I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
