If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
