tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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