Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
