Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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