I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
