Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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