He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
