Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
