Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
