I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
