I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
