I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
