She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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