Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
