are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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