Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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