Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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