Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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