It was confusing and full of hummus
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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