We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
