I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
