Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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