I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize