I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
