I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
