That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
