Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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I just blew my weed a kiss
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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