The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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