So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did i walk over a car last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
