It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh god it's open bar.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
