i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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