All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
