I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
