This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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