Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
