How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
