i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
