Pappa wants mamma naked
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
