No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
