note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
