it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
