LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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