he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
