They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
