worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
