I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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