you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
