The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
