Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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