mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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