I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
