So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.