So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
