I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize