just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
