at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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