Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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