I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
