but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
