it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
