Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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