Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
