Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
