What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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