Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
