my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
