i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
