How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
