Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
your room smells of hookers.
And success
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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