she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
