you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
