I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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