My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
