Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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