put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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