i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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