i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
